Always A Student

I am learning a lot lately about figuring out what true joy and contentment is. As it has been said, joy is not in the material or the tangible but rather in the spirit of things. I get a constant reminder sometimes of my past mistakes, failures, regrets and then fall into this mind trap of thinking I am no good to anyone. Where does this thinking come from? How is it learned? Certainly not from the God I serve. It is at that moment that I have to ask God to forgive me for such lies and shame so that I can be renewed by his opinion of who I am instead of the world's outlook regarding my fallbacks.

Why is it that we're so willing to look at ourselves from the eyes of those in the world around us? Other people did not create us. We are not perfect in anyone's eyes... especially when we look through our own eyes. At least I'm not. We always have critisism for the person next to us or that person taking forever in the check out line who's kid's are being obnoxious.... oh wait, those are my kids! Ha! I was having this discussion with my husband the other day about how I recognise that I need to learn to take my thoughts captive and re-train myself to think life into my thought-life. His response was this:

The moment you think that you can do it on your own - you've already failed. You were created in His image and to live a life sustained in Him. It is by his power that you draw your strength to get through your toughest battle. No matter how hard to try each and everytime you think a negative thought - you will stumble because you are not asking for his help to change you. You need to ask him to change you from the inside-out.

Now, this is why I married this man. Ever heard of that scripture verse, "Iron sharpens iron"? That would be my hubby. He points me right back to where I need to be anytime I need a good kick in the behind. He's right, you know. There have been many times when I have said to myself, 'I will never be like this person or turn into that...' I even had a counselor once tell me several years back that the moment I said that to myself, I became that behavior. Yikes. That is how powerful our thoughts are, folks.

So now days I find myself sitting in my bed at night before I go to sleep, renewing my mind with the one thing that can heal my thought-life and my seemingly rugged heart these days.... the Word of God.  Because with Him ALL things are possible. Not always to our expectations but only He knows the reasons for all things. And to that I say that He is good and His love endures forever.

Its all in the family

Now, to those close to our family who thought that these two would be constantly in competition for attention.......................................................................... well, you were right. However, despite the competion, these two are madly in love. From the moment his little sister was born he loved her so much. Now, when it comes to toys, (whether or not they are his or hers does not matter) then big brother is all for himself. HA!  I couldn't resist posting this - I even had it put onto Daddy's iphone it was so cute. Its one of the things I love about being the family photographer... catching those amazing candid moments that I'll probably never lay eyes on again.

But I ask myself this - how do I nurture this affection they have toward one another so that it grows to a strong, intangible bond between them in the years to come? I was praying about this yesterday afternoon as I was thinking about it.. I felt as though the Lord was showing me that its one of those things you develop - on a day to day basis. You teach them about love just as He teaches us about his love for us as well as to protect each other as your own. No matter how happy or angry they make you - - you love them because they're a part of you and a part of your family.

I need to love my fellow brother/sister because they are a part of my family. The body of Christ. Whether or not I agree with their choices and the lifestyle they choose - they are a child of God. Just like me.

Dreams and Trust = Amazing Results

Often times in life we try to have a plan in plays for different areas of our lives.... where do we want to be in five years, we want to be debt-free in 2 years, want to begin starting a family next year, want to be accepted into a great college in a year, I want to find the job of my dreams within the next two years..... oh my! The list can go on and on. I've had my share of goals and aspirations. Honestly, many of them I have succeeded in accomplishing.  I believe that God is pleased when we dream, believe, and work at making these things happen - truly!
However, the dream and believing needs to be balanced with trust. Trust that if we are obedient and faithful to his calling and his voice that He will make the end result way better than we could have ever imagined. You see, our plans are just plans. Without Jesus included in these plans they are somewhat empty. Let me explain.

Did you ever wish for something to come true or happen?  Of course. Did you ever try on your own to make it happen? And if it didn't happen on your own timing and efforts was it disapointing? Yeah, probably. And even if it did, it was most likely exhausting  - because you had to do it yourself.  Anytime we come before the Lord in our requests, he is so pleased that we are trusting him for the outcome. He wants to do great things for us - in fact he longs to be gracious to his children.

Recently, I've decided that my trying and planning wasn't working. I had an idea and I went to the Lord about it. I prayed that if I were to go in this new direction that I would feel a peace and an excitement about it. I'll be real - I was uncertain at first. Yet, when I realized I literally had nothing to lost but potentially just time... I took the leap. And I am so glad I did. Jesus has led me every step of the way and I know that he is not going to leave me hanging. I am in a position now where my family and I will be one step closer to our dreams in (hopefully) due time.

Whatever your true desires and dreams are - never, ever let them go. They were put there for a reason. They were put there by God. He desires for you to go after them and pursue them but he wants so much to be apart of enabling them to come alive in a magical and wonderful way. So trust him and see where he takes you!

Procrastination: The statistics are staggering

Procrastination. It hits all of us. Some of us are better at it than others. The statistics are staggering. No, I'm not talking about this website. (I try to get to it whenever I can, believe it or not, but thanks for asking!) Its more about paperwork that I actually get paid for, its about laundry, unloading the dishwasher, organizing my kids' closets better, putting away laundry (ever have three baskets full that just sit in your living room calling your name???)...... yep. I know. And no, it is not a form of laziness but rather a weighing of the options - - spend time with the family vs. work, work, work.

In actuality, if thats even a word, I even sit in Sunday morning service thinking about everything I need to get done yet sits undone. When I was single, I used to sit in church and train my mind to go back to worship and done everyday thoughts - like work, homework, etc. Now, its a darn habit thats hard to kick regardless. There was one morning after I fed my daughter and put her back to bed (eh, 6am-ish) that I actually felt awake enough to open my bible and spent the first moments of my day with Jesus.
 You may be asking, when would you normally spend time with God otherwise?  I'm being painfully honest when I say..... whenever I can. There is no set time. And its not always with my bible open in front of me. Procrastination in reading the Word of God might be the right word, not sure yet, but what I can say is that I'm not nearly as faithful with that as I want to be. I'm not gonna say that God is upset with me or disappointed with me because I know that he is not a condemning God or he 'bats' his finger at me. Ladies - don't ever think that!
However, I do think that he wishes I would spend more time with Him. Why? Because he loves me ever so much as I love him so very much. He is the reason I have breath and live each day to see a new day. He gave me life. He knows every single little hair on my head and knows every intricate detail of my life and what makes me - me. He knows my quirks (and I'm pretty quirky - just ask my husband.  :)  and he knows the areas I need work. (heh... we won't go there today.) He longs for my time and desires to hear my heart.

My biggest procrastination here is spending time with Him. Yes, I have laundry to do and to put away. As well as toys to teach my kiddos to put away and a dishwasher to unload. But more importantly, I have an even bigger thing I want to work on. I'm sure I'm not the only one. But I'm just being honest and that's whats been on my mind. Remember when I talked about empty prayers? This falls in that category - I don't want my procrastination to become an empty prayer in my special time with the Lord.

Where am I going?

Ever wonder where life is taking you in its journey? You may have a day's agenda: work, day's worth of classes, homework, chores/housework to do, balancing a check book, errands to run, and if you have children.... running after your babies. Its a lot, right? Yes, I know. Very well. Sometimes makes you wish you could add another hour or two to each day so that maybe you can get almost all of it done and actually take a moment at the end of the day to breathe and savor your life. I think at times I bite off more than I can chew. But that goes without saying - - I know many, many others who do this, too. Its a female way of life - err, way of thinking. (wink) Are you still with me?  Ok. Good. So you agree? Yes......... we are super women, aren't we? Or so it seems. Many say they couldn't keep up with us even if they tried. But hey, that's just the way we are. I guess. But is there maybe more that I'm missing here? Kinda got me thinking lately.....

So, here I am. Nearly a college grad (with 1 credit left and I'm officially there) and well, I still wonder, where am I going??? I am a married woman (to an amazing man - gosh am I blessed) with two precious kiddos, and a (almost)college degree under my belt. And then I say to the Lord, "Lord, where would you have me to go from here...?"  I have to say, I am still praying on that one, and not sure yet where the outcome will come out to. However, I do know this. That wherever it may be that it will be glorious. You see, I am blessed and fortunate enough to stay home with my lovely babes. I do help out with the family practice and put in my two cents here and there. But this is nowhere near utilizing where my true passion lies. My writing is dedicated to the female heart - that is where my passion is. Not necessarily writing per say, but speaking to the female heart and soul.

Her heart yearns to be loved and adored. And her soul longs to be understood and desired. Jesus' very breathe is for her. Her validitity is found in Him. Her heart and soul can be thoroughly nourished through Him. And He loves her - through and through. It is in Him and through Him that she finds her purpose and her place in life. Her destiny. He leads the way.... and when she finds herself in the desert and can no longer walk - he carries her. He is her way. He is her salvation.

So where am I going? I am finding out that it is just a bit deeper yet more simplified than one might think. Doesn't make sense? Let me explain. When Moses was told by God that he was to lead the Israelites out of Egypt - he figured God had the wrong man. That was far too big of a task for one small man. Before that, he was simply watching over sheep. But all he had to do was follow God's leading and God would do the rest. And He did. Moses had no clue what was coming when he asked God, 'who am I?' He very well could have been saying 'where am I going?' when he asked that question.

So as I have been asking God the very same thing..... I am going where he leads me. Wherever that may be. My days may get busy and too much to take at times but to take that one moment to thank Him for bringing me to every place in life that I've wanted to go - and know that He is faithful to no end. It means that I will continue to go everywhere I desire to go at some point in my life. Why? Because He is good.

There is a Season for Everything

Each phase of life has its own set of joys, trials, triumphs, transgressions, mournings, excitements, etc. And with each of these areas of life comes another gate by which we enter into whether we are keenly aware of it or not - or even if we are willing or not. It may be that we are being stretched in our faith, in our relationships, and even as an individual as a whole. Often times it is through the course of time that we notice such changes because we've been so busy 'with life' that we turn around and suddenly think, "wow, everything is different".... and then sometimes, we've known for quite some time that changes were happening and at one point it becomes very real that, indeed, everything is quite altered.

This season of life for me has its bittersweet moments now. I am having to say goodbye to a loved one that I have known since the day I was born. We were not entirely close per say, yet, the understanding that they will no longer be a part of our lives and in our midst is such a disheartening awareness that its almost unbearable sometimes. The closure part shall be interesting to say the least. Nonetheless, God is good and his love endures forever. He shall see me through, heart and all.

There are many people that come and go in our lives. Some stay through the majority of our lives, and others may be there for a season or two - then it seems as though you drift apart. Maybe for reasons of distance of miles or just very different personalities or lifestyles and life events. Its hard coming to the realization that those you loved dearly are now meerly a memory of wonderful conversations and sistership. But then you have to remember that when one door closes another opens. I've encountered amazing friendships over the years that now seem to be but great memories and have formed new friendships with beloved gals that I am sincerely blessed to call my dear friends and sisters. We've formed bonds in ways that are immeasurable and I count them as blessings with a fond smile.

If you find yourself in a place that seems so different than you've been used to, it could be that God is about to change your season..... transition can be a somber time. But if you're aware of it, God can make it into a beautiful, life changing experience. Kind of reminds me of the metamorphosis process of the caterpillar and butterfly.... if you choose to see the joyous positives in the experience, you can make out like a butterfly!

When It Rains It Pours

Any chance you've ever had a day or a week when it seems as though life just comes down crashing on you with no room to come up for air? It would seem that everyone and everything is out to get you? And all you would rather do is simply hide under a rock and wave a red flag in surrender and have someone let you know when its all over and done with and life can go on as you remembered it. Yes. I know the feeling all too well. This past week has been a week that I'd rather not remember or do over again. Without going into a long, drawn out drama story of events, lets just say that I am avidly learning the concept of grace, understanding, and well... comic relief. Every hear about that? Its that moment when all you wanna do is kick, cry, and scream.... yet instead, you choose to see the humor in the situation and find yourself chuckling or dare I even say - laughing until you cry.

There were moments this week when I literally found myself standing in the middle of the room in the midst of caos looking up at the heavens and asking God, 'why? why does it have to all happen at once?'  It is truly a moment where I could have used a good, long hug. No words of comfort or its ok. Just a hug.

However, now looking back I see that even though I do not get a direct answer to all the chaos or the reason for why things have been happening the way they do, I understand that there is no rhyme or reason to why events come to pass or that anyone is at fault. Things happen. But God still expects us to be his children and rely on him for our comfort and to trust in him in all things - regardless of the situation or even the outcome. He created us and he loves us. And all he wants from us is our heart. Now, I can't control who leaves this world, or whether a pet will be ok. I can't stop an auto accident or a vehicle from malfunctioning. And I can't make my children be obedient (but I can teach them the art of listening and obeying). The list can go on and on.... what I can control is how faithful I am to abiding by God's Word and loving Him with my whole heart.

With that said, that also means glorifying Him in all situations - which I might add, I fail in this department at times, but when we do fail we must repent and move on to fulfilling his calling in our lives. We have a higher purpose that sitting there in a puddle of misery despairing over all of our woes. It is serving him despite hardships in our lives and living in joy and love.

Prayers: Are they empty or full of life?

The past few weeks at Sunday morning service we've been hearing about empty prayers. Prayers that we think in our heads/hearts and have every intention of praying about in a consistant manner and maybe even fasting on.................. and then life gets in the way. Sound familiar. Yep. I know. Me too. Its not that I don't care or that I forget about what needs are present. Its that I'm not good at consistancy. Those that know me very, very well would agree on this fact about me. Ahhemm... but don't say it! I know that God knows my heart and he knows my intentions are pure and full of excitement when it comes to where my faith lies on the matter. I know that he is fully capable of answering prayers that I have for my life, for my family, and for the world around us. I simply must have prayer in my heart daily - not just at mealtime (which I might add, my son literally reminds us at every single meal by folding his hands and screaming MOM!! MOM!! if we happen to forget to do so... ) or when I'm putting my babies down at bedtime. Its while I'm driving. While I'm loading and unloading the dishwasher. Or folding laundry and making dinner.

Our pastor has been talking about fasting. Fasting for your prayer requests. Yeah, usually its fasting food (!!) but can be anything - television, internet, coffeeeeee (hehe), soda....or whatever we hold very dear to our hearts.  :)  And in case you have your doubts about the power of prayer and fasting - you can ask me anytime about times that I fasted and prayed about specific prayer needs I had throughout my life that I recieved an answer to prayer on those very things. I can tell you from testimony that there is an annointing in this method of prayer and trust that God is faithful.

So. If you have prayers unanswered because of inconsistant intentions like I do (empty), I challenge you to a five day fast. Let's clarify. A fast of some sort. Like I said, it does not have to be food. It can be anything that you can decidedly abstain from that normally you would do every single day and take that time in prayer for your (and/or others') prayer needs. Watch and see what God does in your life and in the lives around you! I have personally made a list of Prayer Needs for the year of 2012 and posted on our refrigerator for my family and I to be in consistant prayer for. I am excited to see what God's going to bring about this year!! 

Pray with me will you?

Look UP!

There are moments in life when we think about our past decisions, choices, mistakes, pitfalls what have you and it sinks in that we may have dug ourselves in a hole that seems almost impossible to dig ourselves out of. Or, maybe we have no control over our circumstances and we simply find ourselves in a pit desperately trying to get out and not sure how. Been there? Me too.

There have been times when I will sit down to paperwork when I am forced to focus and concentrate and BAM! I begin to think about the stresses - if only I had said 'no', knowing full well that going the opposite direction would mean I would pay for it. Sadly, we do not always make the right decisions in life. We try to convince ourselves that 'it'll be fine and we'll make it work or we'll figure it out'. Then later comes along and its a mind-wrenching thing that we can't just shrug off. We lay in bed contemplating what has to happen to make everything alright again. What changes need or can be made to change what consequences may be upon us. Oh gosh.... I could go on and on. But really, do you understand how this is? Its a down ward spiral.

And then to have the conversation with someone who knows the dread of it all. But  you know, you can only talk about how stupid it all was so much. It becomes old and you can stress and stress all you want. The conclusion is: the only place to look is UP. If you keep looking down, then yes, you're going to continue to go into that downward spiral and become depressed. That's where the enemy wants you to look, ultimately - down. To feel so bad about yourself and all of your mistakes in life that you think you're better off away from anything else that you can affect. So untrue!

God wants us to know that his mercies are new every morning. He forgives us from every single transgression we bear. Isn't that wonderful news? It means that we have no reason to fret. No reason to worry or stress. If we know that we've made mistakes, admit to them, ask him to help you change and move on to better things. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And where there is freedom, there is joy of heart. Look UP. Rejoice in his greatness and glory. He is the ultimate in every possible situation we can go through. The next time you find yourself in a pickle - have a conversation. Not only does getting it off your chest do wonders but he wants to  hear from us. He loves to hear from us. We are his precious little girls whom he adores and would do anything for!  You know the expression, 'chin up'? Well, its true. Look up to  your Heavenly Father and let him bring life to your soul.