It was an interesting day yesterday. Very hot, sunny and well.... LOTS to do. You see, our whole family is going on vacation next week. (YAY!) I think.  :?  Anywho.... yes, we're going on vacation. I think that the official 'mother' role has officially kicked in as I went through our medicine cabinet and basically dumped it into our rough draft, if you will, of packing. Which I might add is an empty laundry basket for the time being... so, yeah, right now I have most of the medicine cabinet in a laundry basket and about half of my summer clothes in there (give or take some sweaters and a couple pairs of jeans in case of random cold weather of course - it's MN - you just never know!). We went through and cleaned out our SUV for the first time in forever.... it's amazing how much you can pack into your car over a year's time without realizing it until you clean it out..lol. Vaccumed it out(!!!) And even put a new air freshner it it. Good as new. So, we had a pretty busy day... packing and cleaning. We never got our naps in like we intended. I don't know about you, but our family thrives on family naps.... I know I know, we're lame like that. But based on that, I thought we'd ALL sleep like babies last night.

WRONG. I know what you're thinking..... UH oh. What happened, right? Well, my son went to bed at 7:40ish in the p.m., and at 11:30pm he is wailing like he just lost his best buddy. So I go in there and pick him up. He's immediately calm as I snuggle him, holding him close to me. Then after a few minutes of me holding him close, he gestures that he wants to go back into his crib and then drifts off back to sleep.  Sigh.... well, that was easy. But, what was that all about? As I think about it now.... he just wanted to be close to his Mama for that moment. He suddenly wanted comfort and his mother's security. Once he did, everything was ok in his world again. :)  
Did you know that that is the relationship that your Heavenly Father desires so much to have with you? He so desperately wants us to look up at him and want His security and closeness. It is His love and peace that makes our world complete and right. Without his grace and love.... we have nothing. And when we do look to him for closeness, he picks us up with willing arms and holds us close with tender love just because he loves us. He is our eternal parent with unending love to hug us and love us always.... just as a mother/father with a child.

Tell him your thoughts, your fears, your joys, sorrows, pain..... he wants all of it. Your heart. Your gorgeous heart. Because He loves you.

A tough one...

This has been a really hard week. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually.... hard. This week we learned of a tramatic occurance in our family that just trully shook me in every which way. There's no easy way to cope with something that is so disgusting and mind-boggling. I spend the entire week in total disbelief, shock, and anger. Anger that someone in MY family would have the audacity to do something so insane and disgusting. That they allowed lies to cloud their mind into fooling them that what they did was fine and ok. I still cannot wrap my mind around the issue.
This morning in church, I was faced head-on with an even harder task at hand. I had spent all week being ferousiously angry about the situation. Now, sitting in Sunday morning service about to take communion I suddenly realized that I could not wholeheartedly accept communion without first forgiving this person that committed such a wrong act. Even as harshly as I felt toward them and as much pain as I felt for the other parties involved.... somehow, I have to forgive. I had leaned over to my husband and said, 'I don't know if I can do this.... I can't take this communion and be so angry. I know I have to forgive before I accept this gift God's given me - I just don't know how to do it.'  My husband lovingly took my hand and whispered in my ear, "you're going to have to ask God to forgive that person and ask him to show YOU how to forgive them as well."  HOW???????  I don't know. I just don't know.

Well..... I prayed and asked God to forgive them and yes, show ME how to forgive them. I felt a peace about my act of forgiveness.  Then, the singing and worship began. Immediately when I began singing the words to the song we were singing..... I broke. I wept. I wept for the situation. I wept about what had happened. I wept for the healing that needed to happen for the parties involved. I wept for the redemption that needed to happen. I wept for our family. And I wept for the victory that God was going to restore upon the family and the person that persevered for so long in silence. I love my family. I love them so much it hurts. It broke and still breaks my heart about how deception is so evil and destructive. Yet, my God is bigger - SO much BIGGER than anything that can come against! I have to keep reminding myself that. And I have to pray that my family is reminded of that in such a powerful way more than ever right now.

To my family.... I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU. I am constantly praying for you and with you in steadfast prayer. Please know that you are NEVER along. Your family is with you and loves you in all things. As Chris Tomlin writes in song:  'Our God is strength, awesome in power. Our God is healer, if our God is with us - then who can stand against...?'  I know you know this.... these are just the words that I am constantly reminded of since my time with the Lord today.

These past couple of weeks I've been doing a lot of reflection. Reflection on the past, the present and the future. There are a lot of things about my past that are very sour memories for me - a  lot of people say that there isn't a thing they wouldn't take back or do over because it's made them who they are today. There is a lot of truth to that statement, however, if I were to say that to the fullest I would be saying that it doesn't matter that I've hurt people in those moments. People that I love and really do care for.... they are people that were innocent in the midst of my carelessness.
Now, I'm going to be brutally honest in stating that I can't say that I am 100% better than I was 10 years ago, because I know that would be a far cry from the truth. I am more aware of tactfulness now as an adult but yet, I sometimes lack in 'thinking before I speak' or even thinking about the tone of which I say something - OR even worse, the WORDING of how I say something - even if it is said out of complete kindness and very genuine. I am terrible, I know. I'll admit it now. I firmly believe that the majority of what comes out of my words and actions are pleasing to my Savior, but I cannot say that everything that comes out of my big mouth is always tactful. (So, I'm sorry if you were ever the recipient to my miscomings...) I didn't mean it - honest!

With that said, I remember what our pastor preached about in his message this past Sunday.... 'THINK before you speak.'  Oh that was such a 'Mel' message. Uggghhh. Guilty as charged. Did you know that Jesus works out of the words and actions of our mouths. He uses our encouraging and uplifting words to those we know and cross paths with? He uses that card that we sent in the mail to that frustrated or lowly friend of ours. He uses that little bouquet of flowers that we had sent to your beloved mother, sister or gal pal just to cheer her up or brighten her day. Or that 5 minute conversation you  had with a long time friend of many years...... something you said just made her long hard day a hundred times brighter.  See.... we have to ask God to help us be that shining star that he created and desperately wants us to be - even when we DON'T feel like it. We are called to be selfless beings to reach a dying world. He loves us soo SO much, how can we not be love in return?

I don't know every female who reads these messages I write.... or what her situation is at the moment. But I can say that I deeply love each and every one of you that reads them - because they are ALL for you. I love your heart, your deeply captivating heart. You were created for such a time as this and it is meant to be celebrated and loved. So, YAY you! Love you!!